3, Bringing Up Children —Gerald Mosback __ Vivienne Mosback

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It is generally accepted that the  experiences of the child in his first years largely determine his character and later personality. Every experience teaches the child something and the effects are cumulative. "Upbringing " is normally used to refer to the treatment and training of the child within the home, This is closely related to the treatment and training of the child in school, which is usually distinguished by the term "education". In a society such as ours, both parents and teachers are responsible for the opportunities provided for the development of the child , so that upbringing and education are interdependent.

The ideals and practices of child rearing vary from culture to culture. In general, the more rural the community, the more uniform are the customs  of child upbringing. In more technologically developed societies, the period of childhood and adolescence tends to be extended over a long time, resulting in more opportunity for education and greater variety in character development.

Early upbringing in the home is naturally affected both by the cultural pattern of the community and by the parents' capabilities and their aims and depends not only on upbringing and education but also on the innate abilities of the child. Wild differences of innate intelligence and temperament exist even in children of the same family.

Parents can ascertain what is normal in physical, mental and social development, by referring to some of the many books based on scientific knowledge in these areas, or less reliably, since the sample is smaller, by comparing notes with friends and relatives who have children.

Intelligent parents, however, realize that the particular setting of each family is unique, and there can be no rigid general rules. They use general information only as a guide in making decisions and solving problems. For example, they will need specific suggestions for problems such as speech defects or backwardness in learning to walk or control of bodily functions. In the more general sense, though, problems of upbringing are recognized to be problems of relationships within the individual family, the first necessity being a secure emotional background with parents who are united in their attitude t their children.

All parents have to solve the problems of freedom and discipline. The younger the child, the more readily the mother gives in to his demands to avoid disappointing him. She knows that if his  energies are not given an outlet, her child's continuing development may be warped. An example of this is the young child's need to play with the mud and sand and water. A child must be allowed to enjoy  this "messy " but tactile stage of discovery before he is ready to go on  to the less physical pleasures of toys and books. Similarly, throughout life. each stage depends on the satisfactory completion of the one before.

Where one stage of child development has been left out, or not sufficiently experienced, the child may have to go back and capture the experience of it. A good home makes this possible--for example by providing the opportunity for the child to play with a clockwork car or toy railway train up to any age if he still needs to do so. This principle, in fact, underlies all psychological treatment of children in difficulties with their development, and is the basis of work in child clinics.

The beginnings of discipline are in the nursery, Even the youngest baby is taught by gradual stages to wait for food, to sleep and to wake at regular intervals and so on. If the child feels the world around him is a  warm and friendly one, he slowly accepts its rhythm and accustoms himself to conforming to its demands. Learning to wait for things, particularly for food, is a very important element in upbringing, and is achieved successfully only if too great demands are not made before the child can understand them.

Every parent watches eagerly the child's acquisition of each new skill--the first spoken words, the first independent steps, or the beginning of reading and writing. It is often tempting to hurry the child beyond his natural learning rate, but this can set up dangerous feelings of failure and states of anxiety in the child. This might happen at any stage. A baby might be forced to use a toilet too early, a young child might be encouraged to learn to read before he knows the meaning of the words he reads. On the other hand, thought, if a child is left alone too much, or without any learning opportunities, he loses his natural zest for life and his desire to find out new things for himself .

Learning together is a fruitful source of relationship  between children and parents. By playing together, parents learn more about their children and children learn more from their parents. Toys and games which both parents and children can share are an important means of achieving this cooperation. Building block toys and jigsaw puzzles and crosswords are good examples.

Parents vary greatly in their degree of strictness and indulgence towards their children. Some  may be especially strict in money matters; others are severe over times of coming home at night, punctuality for meals or personal cleanliness. In general, the controls imposed represent the needs of the parents and the values of the community as much as the child's own happiness and well-being.

As regards the development of moral standards in the growing child, consistency is very  important in parental  teaching. To forbid a thing one day and excuse it the next is no foundation for morality. Also, parents should realize that "example is better than precept". If they are  hypocritical and do not practice what they preach, their children may grow confuse and emotionally insecure when they grow old enough to think for themselves, and realize they have been to some extent deceived. A sudden awareness of a marked difference between their parents ethics and their morals can be a dangerous disillusion.

 

READER'S QUIZ

Some of those  statements are true (T), and some are false (f) . Can you tell which are true and why the others are not ?

(    ) 1, An adult's character is in a great measure decided by his childhood experiences.

(    ) 2.   Upbringing and education are merely two different words for the same process.

(    ) 3. Although the cultural pattern of the community affects early upbringing in the home, it is nevertheless not the only factor.

(  ) 4,  Personal contacts tend to be less reliable a method of  establishing norms of child behavior than scientific books on the subject.

(  ) 5, Regarding the relationship within the family, the first necessity is a secure emotional background.

(    ) 6, If a child were subjected to unusually firm discipline ,  his development might well be adversely affected.

(    ) 7, The principle underlying all treatment of developmental difficulties in children offers recapture of earlier experiences.

(    ) 8, For children learning to wait for things is successfully taught only if excessive demands are avoided.

(    )) 9, The encouragement of children to achieve new skills should be balanced between the extremes of pushing and lack of interest.

(    ) 10. " Example is better than precept" doesn't work when children grow old enough to think for themselves.

 

VOCABULARY

A. Use each of the following terms in a sentence.

1. distinguished.

2. as regards.

3. to give an outlet to

4. to underlie

5. extended

6. to capture

7. to conform to

8. to impose

9. at regular  intervals

10 . to forbid

B. Match the term in the left column with one which has a SIMILAR meaning in the right column.

1. normal       a, similar

2, marked       b, inborn

3, preach      c, find out

4, uniform      d, regular

5, innate     e, productive

6,  ascertain       f, cheated

7, fruitful      g, obvious

8. zest              h.   sameness

9, deceived        ,   i, enthusiasm

10,  consistency     , j. give a sermon

DISCOURSE CLOZE

Read through the text below and then choose from the list in the drop down menu  following the text the best clause to fill each of the numbered spaces, Some  of the suggested answers do not fit at all.

Example: (0)----J "which is usually overlooked"

Learning How to Behave

Most people are unaware they possess a quite remarkable skill, (0) ____ because it is exercised daily, and in the most ordinary of contexts, But without it, our lives would be unfulfilled and empty. It is the ability to relate to others, to engage them in conversation, to operate as social and sociable individuals and to develop both shot-term and long-term relationships (1) ______. We are not born with this ability . There  is nothing wired into the human brain (2) _____. To perform effectively in a world (3) _____, encounters and relationships, we have to learn what to do .  Small babies, as any parent will remember, are among the least sociable beings (4) _______. They are totally demanding, utterly selfish and scream with rage if their every whim is not immediately satisfied, Somehow this unlikely raw material is transformed over the years into a being (5) _____ on being able to form reciprocal bonds with others and to follow complex rules ( 6) _____. the monstrous infant becomes the caring, responsible adult whose life experiences revolve around both the joys and pains, and the giving  and receiving. of friendships and others relationships. It is this remarkable  transformation which is the central characteristic of being human.

[a] that you could imagine
[b] which relies for its survival
[c] that relies so heavily on social interaction
[d] which nobody understand, not even scientists
[e] which lies at the heart of our very existence as human beings
[f] that takes a lifetime to learn and practice
[g] that govern every aspect of its social life
[h] that provides us with set response to social situations
[i] that they do without conscious thought
[j] which is usually overlooked

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION & APPRECIATION

1. Do you think parents are justified in disciplining their children merely in order to make their own lives more comfortable?

2. Are there any other factors that might affect the development of a child apart from parental teaching, school education and innate abilities?

3, Which do you think is more important for success in life. innate abilities or wealth and social positions? What do you think " success in life " really means?

4, As a child or adolescent, did you find any discrepancy between what your elders and parents told you to do, and the way they behaved themselves? If so, can you remember examples of this sort? Have you ever been at all disillusioned?

5, There is a widely held belief that poverty, hardships and deprivation produce incentive to achieve. "The best fighter is hungry fighter." is a  maxim of the boxing world, and there is a  popular romantic stereotype of the artist or writer of genius. "starving in a garret ". How do you reconcile this with the text which suggests the child should ideally be made to fell that " the world around him is a warm and friendly  place " ?

6, " Spare the rod and spoil the child . How far do you agree with his old English proverb? Can you find out a  similar Chinese saying as regards child upbringing?

SPEED READING

The  Value of Education

Education is not an end, but a means to an end. In other words, we do not educate children only for the aim of educating them. Our purpose is to fit them for life. Life is varied; so is education.  As soon as we realize the fact, we will understand that it is very important to choose a proper system of education.

In some countries with advanced industries, they have free  education for all, Under this system, people , no matter whether they are rich or poor, clever or foolish, have a chance to be educated at universities or colleges. They have for some time thought, by free education for all, they can solve all the problems of a society and build a perfect nation , But we can already see that free education for all is not enough,   We find in such countries a far larger number of people with university degrees than there are jobs for them to fill As a result of their degrees, they refuse to do what they think is "low" work. In fact , to work  with one's hands is thought to be dirty and shameful is such countries.

But we have only to think a moment to understand that the work of a completely uneducated farmer is as important as that of a professor. We can live without education,, but we should die if none of us grew crops. If no one cleaned our streets and took the rubbish away from our houses, we should get terrible diseases in our towns. If there were no service people, because everyone  was shamed to do such work, the professors would have to waste much of their time doing housework.

On the other hand, if all the  farmers were completely uneducated, their production would remain low,  As the population grows larger and larger in the modern world, we would die if we did not have enough food.

In fact, when we say all of us must be educated to fit ourselves for life, it means that all must be educated: firstly, to realize that everyone can do whatever job is suited to his brain and ability; secondly, to understand that all jobs are necessary to society and that it is bad  to be ashamed of one's own work or to look down upon someone else's ; ;thirdly , to master all  the necessary know-how  to do one's job well. Only such education can be called valuable to society.

Comprehension Exercises

1, Decide on the answer that best completes the following statements  according to the information provided in the text.

1, Our purpose of educating children is to _____

[a]   accustom them to varied  life.
[b] choose a proper system of education
[c] educate them only for the aim of educating them
[d] make them intelligent citizens

2, Free education for all is not enough because _____

[a] the system of free education fails to solve all the problems of a society.
[b] the more education people receive, the fewer jobs there are
[c] people with degrees consider themselves superior to those working with their hands .
[d] people with degrees refuse to do physical work.

3, The work of a completely uneducated farmer is as important as a professor because _____.

[a] without education all of us would live a more meaningful life .
[b] without farmers we would have to grow crops ourselves
[c] without farmers we should die of food shortage.
[d] without farmers we would have to do housework ourselves

4, All of us must be educated to understand or realize that _____.

[a] the more people with university degrees we have, the better life we will have
[b] we couldn't live without education
[c] everyone should have a chance to be educated at universities or colleges
[d] one should choose his job according to his ability .

5,Education should be various because ________.

[a] people are rich or poor , clever or foolish .
[b] free education for all doesn't work
[c] life is varied
[d] people have different professional backgrounds.

II, Decide whether the following statements are true (T) or false ( F ) according to the information given in the text.

(    ) 1, Free education for all means that people have a chance to be educated at universities or colleges regardless of their social status.

(    ) 2, In some countries with advanced industries the number of jobs never meets that of people with degrees.

(   ) 3, People with degrees tend to look down upon those laborers who work with their hands.

(   ) 4, It is true that we could live without education but not without farmers.

(    ) 5, Once you do a certain job you should try to master all skills to do the job well.